A New Beginning

Today was like pretty much any day. Dull. Bland. Pointless. I was out Sam's house, but he was still very sad, and needed some space by himself after what had happened, and I basically just played Minecraft for 3 hours. Waiting for Sam to be ready, but he never was. I biked back to our house, and immediately, instinctually, I headed for the computer. From some primal habit, when I'm bored, I just go to computer, type in Youtube.com, and Youtube does the rest. I don't even have to type in Youtube.com, I just type "y", then enter, and I'm immediately entering into the site.

You just press one video, and then it's on auto-play. And, that's how I sat. For hours. Wasting my life. But why? What was the reason of it all? Pure boredom. That's all it was, pure and simple. Boredom. I guess, I didn't know what to do anymore, it was full zombification. It was over. My life, was gone. Stuck in a never-ending loop. I'll stop tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow, everything you do, or say you will do, it's all tomorrow. But, tomorrow comes around, and guess what I do? Yeah, not what I said I would do. I do the same thing. And eventually, it has to stop. But, I was stuck. That's when I encountered one video. It was only around four minutes long, but it sparked Something in me.

It was a little animation, of someone stuck in the cycle. A man wakes up, scrolls Youtube on his phone, then goes to school/work. He gets home, plays video games. Eats junk food. Then he asks himself why his life is so bad, before going to sleep. And that's just how it was. The video wasn't necessarily inspiring, but looking at him, I saw something. I saw myself in the future if I didn't stop what I was doing right now. And that wasn't a life I didn't want to have. Without even finishing the video, I exited off my computer. I was done with the procrastination.

I did it. I cleaned my room. It was hard, after a ton of built up work, and procrastination, it was an extremely dirty room. And, I cleaned it. It felt more rewarding than anything I've done in a long while. It was fresh, and clean. It felt positively Great. This was what I needed.

Starting today, I'm going to make it work. I'm going to stop procrastinating. I'm going to do it. And my life, it's on the line. Lately I've been feeling very depressed, and occasionally, question my existence. I wasn't even sure if I should keep living, I was tired of life, but didn't necessarily want to die yet. But, I'm done. I'm done with all that. I'm gonna put everything I have, and put it in there. I'll get a job. I'll make money. I will clean my room. I will exercise. I will make a to-do list. I. Will. Do. It. And if I fail? No. I will not fail. I may stumble, and fall, and lose track of my mission. But I won't fail. I will get back up. No matter what I do. This is it. The end.

I'm not going to say signing out.

Bye. See you tomorrow, for more progress.